Trouble at the babysitter's

Over the last couple of months, I've noticed that Makayla hasn't been as excited to go to her sitter T's as she used to be. It wasn't really obvious at first, but I could tell there was a slight change.

Makayla is a kid who likes her own personal space and doesn't like other kids up in her face. She comes by this honestly as I am the same way. There was one little girl, Aly (2 1/2), who is a very "in your face" kind of kid. She was always excited when Makayla got there and would come up very close to greet her at the door. I would try to block Aly a bit so that Makayla could get her coat and boots off. This seemed to work.

During this time, problems had been escalating with Aly. Aly wasn't listening to T and she was being very rough with the other kids, some of them only 14 months old. And the younger ones were starting to imitate some of the more negative sides of Aly's behaviour. T had a chat with her mom to find out what sort of discipline she was using at home for these sorts of things so the sitter could be consistent. The mom's response was "I just ignore it." T knew that ignoring it wasn't an option at her house since the other kids were getting hurt.

I'm not sure I can adequately describe this woman. The mother (25 years old) just finished up her education degree, so she thinks that she knows quite a bit more about how to deal with children than most people do, because she read it in a book somewhere. She would recommend books for T (who has looked after children in her home for 14+ years) to read. The mother would belittle T and often criticize how she was looking after her daughter. But yet, even when she wasn't working (spring break, etc.), she still brought her daughter to T's because she needed a "me day". She would threaten to take her daughter to another daycare (which T secretly hoped would happen). Not only that, but the mother criticized some other parents (myself included) because our children weren't including her daughter often enough for her liking. On top of that, she had the nerve to tell off T's husband when he dared to look at her thong when she bent over in front of him. There is no love lost between this mother and many of us.

I knew her teaching job was coming to an end at the end of April, and secretly I was glad since I suspected that Aly's behaviour was affecting how Makayla was enjoying her time at T's. Just before she finished, she found out that she had gotten a part-time job at the school for 2 mornings a week for 6 weeks. So she asked T to keep her daughter during that time and possibly another day each week since she would need at least one "me day". She would then be off for the summer.

Aly came back on Tuesday. During that morning, after some pretty serious incidents, T realized that she just wouldn't be able to keep Aly any longer than the end of June. T has only ever had to recommend to 2 mothers that their children would be better off going somewhere else, and she really struggles with this since she wants to please everybody. But she figured that since Aly's behaviour was deteriorating instead of improving, she was obviously doing something wrong with her and she might be better served going somewhere else. When she brought this up to Aly's mom, she started blaming Makayla (not yet 3) and another kid that they weren't including her daughter enough which is why she was acting out. This comment (and others) reminded T why she had to do this.

I think a lot of Aly's issues stem from wanting attention from her mom. Her mom is a great one for telling us all what the books say about raising children, but I think she's spending too much time reading and not putting the information to good use on her own child. She has great intentions when it comes to how she wants to help the kids at school, but she should really start at home with her daughter. T has mentioned that she is certain Aly understands when her mom drops her off for her frequent "me days". T has even caught the mom driving by her house after work (i.e. going home for some more "me time") without picking up Aly. I really feel for this child because she is a good kid.